Michele Evans | Updates

I Got Covid at Rikers. I’m Still Suffering.

Michele Evans — Fri, 15 Mar 2024 09:49:03 -0400

When I arrived on Rikers Island in January 2019 to await trial for an assault charge, I knew it would be dangerous — after all, the women’s jail is notorious for chronic abuse, unsanitary conditions and violence. But what I did not know was that I would become one of hundreds of inmates at Rikers to contract the coronavirus.

I remember watching the TV in early March 2020 when a lawyer from Westchester County was reported to be the source of several cases in New York.

In the beginning, none of the officers wore masks. When we asked why, officers said they were told the masks would scare us. But we were already scared. We were glued to the television, watching Governor Andrew Cuomo’s daily news conferences. It was the only time we did not argue over what to watch. All eyes were on New York, particularly Queens, as the virus’s epicenter, but to us, Rikers felt like ground zero. In mid-March, a guard at the main gate tested positive. Soon after, we heard the virus had hit one of the dorms, where inmates sleep as many as 50 to a room and beds have only an arm’s length of space between them.

When a woman in my dorm started coughing in late March, we were placed in quarantine. A poster on our door warned others not to enter. Other posters instructed us to do the impossible: Practice social distancing. Officers told us to sleep head to toe, supposedly because it would decrease transmission risk. Yet they still came in to conduct searches, lining us up shoulder-to shoulder against the wall while they rifled through our belongings. We were not getting tested regularly. All programs and services were canceled, including religious meetings.

Cut off from those daily group meetings, like Alcoholics Anonymous that were led by counselors, we felt lost. We tried to keep them going on our own. We’d cite the Serenity Prayer — “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” We were like sitting ducks.

From my dorm, I had a penthouse view of La Guardia Airport, where I watched it come to a screeching halt. Planes were usually 15 deep waiting for the runway. Now the runways were empty. It seemed like no one was coming to or leaving New York.

Women in my dorm were breaking down on the phones, yelling, “Get me out of here. I DON’T WANT TO DIE!” to their lawyers on the other end. I was 47 years old at the time, and I did not have pre existing conditions. And yet, I felt frustrated when my lawyers explained that they had to prioritize the release of those deemed “high risk” for complications from Covid.

Rumors started swirling that we were running out of supplies like soap. Inmates hoarded toilet paper. We could not buy hand sanitizer, and the closest thing we had to bleach was really just mold and mildew remover.

I first got a headache in early April. Then I felt short of breath when I was cleaning the shower. I lost my sense of smell. I thought it was all in my head, but I knew I was in trouble when I started coughing.

I was placed in a small cell by myself where I slept all day. A nurse and doctor checked on me to take my temperature, take a pulse/oxygen saturation reading and prescribe medication like antibiotics and pain pills. An on-duty officer would do rounds every 15 minutes to make sure I was still alive.

After seven days in isolation, I was sent back to my dorm. It was my 48th birthday that day.

I eventually tested positive for Covid antibodies and contacted a bail relief advocate who helped me post bail. She arranged with the mayor’s office for me to go to a hotel upon my release on June 5. When I was being discharged, a doctor informed me I had Stage 3 kidney failure. Covid was the culprit.

The world was not as I left it. The city was engulfed in protests and pain. There was a curfew in place. I wasn’t used to it. I barely left my room and spent my time curled up in bed. Eventually, I moved to transitional housing, where I currently live.

I am now what is known as a Covid long-hauler: someone who feels the health effects of the disease for weeks or months. I have memory problems and heart palpitations. I am experiencing hair loss; it comes out in clumps. I battle fatigue and shortness of breath daily. I live on the third floor and have to pause on each landing because of how winded I am.

What happened in prisons during this pandemic is criminal. As hard as it is to rebuild your life after serving time — particularly for women — there are those who are trying to do it while also battling the long-term effects of Covid. I should have never gotten sick. Inmates are still getting sick.

More than 2,300 prisoners around the country have died from Covid since March. It’s completely unjust. And in New York, Governor Cuomo, Mayor Bill de Blasio, our district attorneys and others have not done enough to facilitate the release of people from custody.

Governor Cuomo still has yet to make the vaccine available to incarcerated New Yorkers; governors in other states have already begun this process. Though courts are beginning to reopen, the wheels of justice turn slowly. For my health, it is too little too late.

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Fogel Grip

Michele Evans — Tue, 3 Jun 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Bringing the story to life!Embedded Youtube video removed, see original post to watch.

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Michele Evans — Tue, 3 Jun 2025 00:00:00 +0000

A music video for Woman's Heart!

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Beyond the Butterflies: The Difference Between Being In Love and Loving Someone 💋🦋🦋🦋❤️

Michele Evans — Fri, 6 Sep 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Navigating the Shifting Tides & Embracing the Evolution of Love!

We often use the phrases "in love" and "loving someone" interchangeably, but there's a subtle yet profound distinction between the two. As I explore in my novel Woman’s Heart, the characters grapple with this very distinction, navigating the complexities of a love that has evolved beyond the initial spark of infatuation. Understanding this difference can be crucial in navigating the complexities of long-term relationships and appreciating the enduring power of love even when the initial spark fades.

In the realm of human connection, the language of love often dances between these two seemingly synonymous phrases: "being in love" and "loving someone." We toss these terms around with casual abandon, yet they represent distinctly different experiences, each with its unique emotional landscape and implications for the longevity of a relationship.

The failure to recognize this crucial distinction can lead to unrealistic expectations, misunderstandings, and even the premature demise of otherwise promising partnerships. In the journey of love, it's vital to understand that the initial fireworks of infatuation inevitably give way to a deeper, more enduring flame.

This shift, while sometimes disconcerting, doesn't signify the end of love but rather its evolution into a mature and resilient bond. Let's explore the nuances of these two states of being to better appreciate the multifaceted nature of love and its capacity to thrive even when the butterflies have flown away.

Being "In Love"

Being "in love" is often associated with the early stages of a relationship. It's that exhilarating, all-consuming feeling that sweeps you off your feet. Think butterflies in your stomach, racing heartbeats, and a constant desire to be near the object of your affection. It's a state of heightened emotions, fueled by novelty, passion, and a sense of idealization.

While undeniably beautiful, being "in love" is not always sustainable. The intensity of those initial feelings tends to subside over time, making way for a deeper, more mature form of love.

Loving Someone

Loving someone, on the other hand, is a more profound and enduring connection. It's built on a foundation of trust, respect, and a deep understanding of each other's strengths and weaknesses. It's a choice to remain rooted in love and appreciation, even when faced with challenges or when the initial passion wanes.

Loving someone means accepting them for who they truly are, flaws and all. It's about supporting their dreams, celebrating their successes, and offering comfort during difficult times. It's a quiet, steady flame that burns even when the fireworks of "being in love" have faded.

The Case of a Changed Relationship: Love's Resilience in the Face of Change

Life, with its unpredictable twists and turns, often tests the resilience of our relationships. Circumstances evolve, priorities shift, and sometimes, wounds are inflicted that leave lasting scars. These experiences can undoubtedly dampen the intensity of the "in love" feeling, that exhilarating rush of new love, but they don't necessarily extinguish the underlying love that has taken root.

We’ve all witnessed this firsthand. A relationship that once crackled with the electricity of new love has transformed into something quieter, more contemplative. The heady rush of early romance has given way to a deep-seated affection, a comforting familiarity that feels like coming home. The butterflies may have taken flight, but the love remains, steadfast and true. It's a testament to the enduring power of connection, the kind that can weather storms and emerge stronger on the other side.

This shift, while initially jarring, reveals a profound truth: love is not a static entity frozen in time. It's a living, breathing force that adapts and evolves alongside us. It's the shared laughter and inside jokes that deepen over time. It's the silent understanding that passes between two souls who have weathered life's challenges together. It's the unwavering support, the quiet encouragement, and the unconditional acceptance that form the bedrock of a lasting bond.

Even when circumstances change, even when life throws its curveballs, love can find a way to persist. It might look different, feel different, but it's still there, a steady flame burning beneath the surface. As someone once aptly put it, there's never been a lack of love on my part, only a lack of participation. It's a love rooted in shared history, mutual respect, and a deep-seated affection that transcends the fluctuations of emotion. It's a love that has been tested and proven, a love that has grown deeper and richer with the passage of time.

Understanding the Difference: The Fluidity of Love

In our culture, we are often bombarded with romanticized portrayals of love that emphasize the initial stages of infatuation. We are led to believe that the whirlwind of emotions, the constant butterflies, and the all-consuming passion should be the defining characteristics of a lasting relationship. Consequently, when those intense feelings inevitably subside, many people mistakenly assume that love has vanished.

This misconception can be incredibly damaging. It can lead to unnecessary breakups, as partners misinterpret the natural evolution of their feelings as a sign that the relationship has run its course. It can also create unrealistic expectations, setting couples up for disappointment when the initial spark fades and is replaced by a calmer, more stable form of affection.

The truth is, love is not a static state. It's a dynamic, ever-changing entity that ebbs and flows like the tide. Just as a river changes its course over time, so too does love. It deepens, it matures, and it adapts to the changing circumstances of our lives.

The initial "in love" phase, with its intoxicating blend of excitement and passion, is merely the first chapter in a much longer story. As we grow closer to our partners, we gain a deeper understanding of their complexities, their vulnerabilities, and their dreams. We develop a shared history, a tapestry woven from countless moments of joy, laughter, and even sorrow. And through it all, our love transforms, becoming less about the thrill of the chase and more about the comfort of companionship.

It's entirely possible to deeply love someone even when you're no longer "in love" with them in the same way you once were. In fact, this mature love, grounded in trust, respect, and shared experiences, can be even more profound and fulfilling than the initial infatuation. It's a love that has weathered the storms, that has seen you at your best and your worst, and that has chosen to stay.

Understanding this distinction is crucial for navigating the complexities of long-term relationships. It allows us to appreciate the different stages of love, to embrace the changes that come with time, and to cherish the enduring bond that remains even when the initial flames have subsided.

Navigating the Shifting Tides & Embracing the Evolution of Love

Life is a series of ebbs and flows, and relationships are no exception. External pressures, personal growth, and unforeseen events can all contribute to a shift in the emotional landscape. The once-blazing fire of passion might simmer into a comforting warmth. While this transition can be disconcerting, it doesn't signify the absence of love. It merely reflects its evolution.

The challenge lies in recognizing and embracing this evolution. We often cling to the memory of the initial "in love" phase, expecting that intensity to persist indefinitely. When it doesn't, we might mistakenly believe that love has diminished. In reality, it has simply matured into a different form, one that is less about fireworks and more about a deep-seated bond.

Love is a journey, not a destination. It's about navigating the ups and downs, the twists and turns, and embracing the changes that come with time. It's about recognizing that love can take many forms, and that the quiet, steady flame of a mature love can be just as beautiful and fulfilling as the initial spark.

The Beauty of Mature Love

Mature love is a testament to the resilience of the human heart. It's the quiet understanding that develops over time, the unspoken language of shared experiences and intertwined lives. It's the comfort of knowing someone has your back, even when you're not at your best. It's the unwavering support that empowers you to grow and evolve, both individually and as a couple.

While it may lack the initial rush of adrenaline, mature love offers a profound sense of peace and belonging. It's a safe harbor amidst life's storms, a constant source of strength and solace. It's a reminder that love, in its truest form, is not about fleeting emotions but about a steadfast commitment to walk alongside another soul, through both sunshine and shadows.

Embracing the Tapestry of Love

So, as you navigate the intricate dance of love and relationships, remember that its essence lies not in the fleeting intensity of the "in love" phase, but in the enduring strength of a love that chooses to stay, to evolve, and to deepen with time. Don't be disheartened when the butterflies fade; instead, embrace the quiet beauty of a mature love that has weathered the storms and emerged even stronger. Take a moment to reflect on your own relationships.

Do you recognize the subtle shifts and transformations that love undergoes? Are you open to embracing the different phases, knowing that each holds its own unique magic?

By understanding the distinction between being "in love" and "loving someone," we can cultivate more resilient, fulfilling, and lasting connections that enrich our lives and illuminate our paths.

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#Love #In Love #FarFromTheShallow #Relationships #Infatuation #Passion #Maturity #Evolution #Resilience #Enduring

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The Great Social Media Block-a-thon: A Comedy of Errors!

Michele Evans — Wed, 28 Aug 2024 00:00:00 +0000

The Unofficial Guide to Digital Passive-Aggression Games.

In the grand theater of social media, the act of blocking and unblocking has become a tragicomic performance, full of sound and fury, signifying... well, mostly just our own confusion. We navigate this digital landscape with the finesse of a toddler learning to walk, stumbling over our own emotions and tripping over the tangled wires of our relationships.

One minute, we're declaring undying love for our bestie on Instagram, the next we're blocking them on Facebook because they dared to like our ex's new profile picture. We'll mute our mom on Twitter for her incessant political rants, but keep her on Snapchat for the occasional cute dog filter. And then there's the ex-lover, forever caught in the limbo of the block/unblock cycle, a digital purgatory of our own making.

It's a game of emotional whack-a-mole, where we try to control our digital interactions with the precision of a surgeon, only to end up feeling like we're performing open-heart surgery with a butter knife. We block, we unblock, we lurk, we peep, we ruminate, we regret. It's exhausting, it's confusing, and it's often just plain silly.

And then there's the pièce de résistance of social media absurdity: the phantom block. This is when someone blocks you from a platform where they have zero content, and are clearly just there to lurk and observe your life from a safe distance. You can't help but burst into laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of it.

"You blocked me from seeing... what exactly? The tumbleweeds rolling across your empty profile? The deafening silence of your non-existent posts?"

It's like being locked out of a room that's already empty. It's a power move that's so devoid of power, it circles back to being hilarious.

Yet, amidst all the foolishness, there's a certain charm to this digital dance. It's a testament to the complexities of human relationships, the messy, contradictory, and often knee-slapping ways we try to connect with each other in the age of social media.

Take my marriage, for example. I managed to navigate an entire marriage without having my husband on any social media platform. It was a pre-emptive strike against the potential drama of shared connections, the passive-aggressive likes, and the accidental overshares. It wasn't always easy, but it worked for us.

So, the next time you find yourself caught in the block/unblock vortex, take a moment and laugh at the preposterousness of it all. Keep in mind, social media is just a tool, not a reflection of your worth or the depth of your relationships.

If all else fails, just remember, you can always go old school and pick up the phone. Or, better yet, meet up in person and have an actual conversation. Who knows, you might even enjoy it.

Let's all take a collective step back from the digital drama and embrace the absurdity. Let's laugh at our own foibles, our petty grievances, and our desperate attempts to curate the perfect online persona.

Most importantly, let's prioritize connecting with each other in the real world, where the connections are deeper, the conversations are richer, and the laughter is contagious.

Invitation: Join me in celebrating the insanity of social media! Let's embrace the chaos, the contradictions, and the sheer hilarity of it all. After all, life's too short to take it all so seriously.

P.S. If you're reading this and we haven't blocked each other... yet... are we really even friends?? 🤣🙄🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️🎭🙈📱

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#SocialMediaCircus #BlockParty #UnblockAndRegret #DigitalDrama #LurkingInTheShadows #PhantomBlock #SocialMediaParadox #IRLFTW (In Real Life For The Win) #RelationshipGoals #LaughingAtMyself

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The Hard Boundary of Empathy: Demanding Respect for My Experiences

Michele Evans — Mon, 26 Aug 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Beyond 'I Love You': The Language of True Affection

Setting boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships, and one boundary I've recently established is demanding empathy from those in my life. It hasn't been easy to use the word "demand," as it can feel forceful or even confrontational. However, sometimes it's necessary to convey the importance of a particular boundary.

In my case, I've experienced situations where people have invalidated my feelings and experiences. They've questioned my trauma, questioned love for certain individuals, suggesting it wasn't genuine or significant. They've even gone so far as to claim people held a higher place in my heart than they actually did. These instances of invalidation have been hurtful and damaging, leading me to establish this firm boundary.

Demanding empathy means expecting others to acknowledge and respect our feelings, even if they don't fully understand them. It means creating a safe space where we can express ourselves without fear of judgment or dismissal. It also means refusing to tolerate any attempts to minimize or invalidate our experiences.

While it might not be comfortable to use the word "demand," it's important to communicate the seriousness of this boundary. It's a way of saying, "This is not negotiable. I deserve to be heard and understood."

Establishing this boundary has been a process of self-discovery and empowerment. It's about recognizing my worth and refusing to settle for anything less than respect and empathy. It's also about setting a standard for the relationships I allow in my life.

It's important to remember that setting boundaries is not selfish or controlling. It's about taking care of ourselves and ensuring our emotional well-being. It's about creating healthy relationships built on mutual respect and understanding.

The need for validation and empathy is deeply rooted in our human psychology. We all crave to be seen, heard, and understood. When our feelings and experiences are acknowledged and validated, it reinforces our sense of self and strengthens our emotional well-being. Conversely, when we're met with invalidation or dismissal, it can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and even depression.

Empathy plays a crucial role in fostering healthy relationships and promoting emotional connection. It allows us to step into another person's shoes and understand their perspective, even if we haven't experienced the same thing. When we offer empathy, we create a safe space for vulnerability and open communication.

On the other hand, the lack of empathy can be incredibly damaging. It can make us feel unseen, unheard, and unimportant. It can erode trust and create distance in relationships. In some cases, it can even lead to gaslighting, where someone manipulates us into questioning our own reality.

Messages filled with love, support, and understanding, provide us with a sense of validation and emotional connection. They affirm our feelings and experiences, reinforcing our sense of self-worth. The contrast between these messages and being bombarded with invalidation from others highlights the importance of empathy in our lives.

Avoiding the Trap of Avoidance

While setting boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships, it's important to distinguish between healthy boundaries and harmful avoidance. Cutting off communication or avoiding conflict, while it might seem like a way to protect oneself, can actually be detrimental in the long run.

Psychologists emphasize that open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. It allows for the expression of needs, concerns, and emotions, fostering understanding and intimacy. Avoiding conflict, on the other hand, can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and unresolved issues that fester and erode the foundation of the relationship.

It's natural to feel uncomfortable or even scared of conflict. However, healthy conflict resolution involves active listening, empathy, and a willingness to compromise. It's about finding solutions that work for both parties, rather than simply avoiding the issue altogether.

It's important to remember that setting boundaries doesn't mean shutting down communication. It's about establishing clear expectations and guidelines for how you want to be treated. It's about creating a safe space for open and honest dialogue, even when it's difficult.

If you find yourself avoiding conflict or cutting off communication in your relationships, consider exploring healthier ways to express your needs and concerns. Seek support from a therapist or counselor if needed. Remember, healthy communication is key to building strong and lasting connections.

By setting healthy boundaries and demanding empathy, we're prioritizing our emotional well-being and creating space for healthy relationships. We're recognizing we deserve to be heard and understood, and we're refusing to settle for anything less. Remember, your feelings are valid, and your experiences matter. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

Employ The Power of Solitude

Just as monks retreat to monasteries to strengthen their core and find inner peace, spending quality alone time in the bustling metropolis of New York City can be equally transformative. While some thrive in the company of others, particularly during challenging times, others find solace and rejuvenation in solitude. And there's no better place to embrace solitude than in the heart of NYC.

The city that never sleeps offers a plethora of opportunities for solo adventurers seeking to replenish their bucket. Here are a few eclectic and fun activities to consider:

Wander through the Enchantments store in the East Village: Immerse yourself in the mystical world of crystals, herbs, and esoteric books. Let your intuition guide you as you explore the unique offerings and perhaps discover a hidden treasure.
Get lost in the stacks of the Strand Bookstore: With its labyrinthine aisles and endless shelves, the Strand is a book lover's paradise. Spend hours browsing through used and rare books, discovering hidden gems, and indulging in the joy of reading.
Stroll the High Line: This elevated park built on an old railway line offers stunning views of the city, unique landscaping, and a peaceful escape from the hustle and bustle below. It's a perfect spot for a leisurely walk, people-watching, or simply enjoying the urban scenery.
Immerse yourself in art at the Whitney Museum: The Whitney Museum focuses on American art from the 20th and 21st centuries, showcasing a diverse collection of contemporary works. You'll find thought-provoking exhibitions and a chance to discover emerging artists.
Explore the Cloisters: Located in Fort Tryon Park, the Cloisters is a branch of the Metropolitan Museum of Art dedicated to medieval European art and architecture. Wander through its tranquil gardens, admire its collection of tapestries and sculptures, and enjoy the stunning views of the Hudson River.
Discover hidden gems at the Tenement Museum: Step back in time and explore the lives of immigrants who lived in the Lower East Side tenements. The museum offers guided tours of restored apartments, providing a glimpse into the challenges and triumphs of New York City's immigrant communities.
Catch a performance at the Public Theater: The Public Theater is known for its innovative and thought-provoking productions, often showcasing new works and emerging playwrights. Check their schedule for exciting performances and affordable ticket options.
Browse the unique shops in the East Village: The East Village is a vibrant neighborhood with a bohemian vibe. Explore its quirky shops, vintage stores, and independent boutiques. You might find one-of-a-kind clothing, handmade jewelry, or other unique treasures.
Enjoy a picnic in Washington Square Park: This iconic park is a popular gathering spot for locals, musicians, and artists. Grab a sandwich from a nearby deli, find a sunny spot on the lawn, and soak up the lively atmosphere.
Unwind at a hidden speakeasy: New York City is home to a number of secret bars tucked away behind unmarked doors or hidden entrances. Do some research and discover a speakeasy for a unique and intimate cocktail experience.
Take a ferry to Governors Island: Escape the city for a day and explore Governors Island, a car-free oasis in New York Harbor. Enjoy its scenic views, art installations, historic landmarks, and outdoor activities.
Attend a literary event or reading: New York City has a vibrant literary scene, with numerous bookstores and cultural institutions hosting author readings, book launches, and literary festivals. Check out events at places like McNally Jackson Books, The Strand, or the 92nd Street Y.
Indulge in a solo dining experience: New York City's culinary scene is unparalleled. Choose a restaurant that intrigues you and savor a delicious meal without distractions.
Explore a new neighborhood: Venture off the beaten path and discover the hidden charms of a lesser-known neighborhood. Get lost in its streets, admire its architecture, and stumble upon local gems.

Remember, solitude is not about loneliness; it's about embracing your own company and finding peace within yourself. In the heart of New York City, you can discover the transformative power of alone time and replenish your bucket in ways you never thought possible.

If you've experienced invalidation or dismissal of your experiences and feelings, know that you're not alone. It's okay to set boundaries and demand empathy from those in your life. It might not be easy, but it's a crucial step towards creating healthy and fulfilling relationships.

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They ask why we didn't leave... and imprison us when we try 🙏🙏🙏

Domestic Violence Hotline Call 800-799-7233 #getHelpNow

#BoundariesAreHealthy #DemandEmpathy #ValidationMatters #MyExperienceIsValid

#EmotionalWellbeing #HealthyRelationships #SelfRespect #NoMoreGaslighting

#LoveAndBoundaries #HealingJourney

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Heart on a Tightrope: The Dizzying Dance of Moving On

Michele Evans — Sat, 24 Aug 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Tonight, I have a date.

It's a simple statement, yet it carries a weight threatening to crush me. A date. A chance encounter, a flicker of hope, a possibility for a new beginning. But my heart, stubborn and steadfast, refuses to fully embrace the prospect. It clings to the echoes of a love that refuses to fade, a love that, despite its complexities and challenges, still holds a powerful grip on my soul.

For some of us, moving on is not a simple flick of a switch. The sting of feeling discarded lingers, a constant reminder of vulnerability and unfulfilled promises. It's a grueling, heart-wrenching process, filled with conflicting emotions and the persistent ache of longing. The memories, once cherished, now haunt the corners of our minds, making it difficult to fully embrace the present and open our hearts to new possibilities.

I owe him nothing, I tell myself. I've set boundaries, and declared my independence. And yet, a nagging sense of guilt gnaws at me, a feeling of betrayal that whispers in the quiet corners of my mind.

Am I cheating on my heart? Am I betraying the love that still burns brightly within me, even as I try to move on?

Moving on is a messy, gut-wrenching process. It's not a linear path, but a winding road filled with potholes and detours. There are days when we feel empowered and hopeful, ready to embrace the possibilities that lie ahead. And then there are days like today, when the weight of our past love feels suffocating, casting a shadow over any attempt at new beginnings.

Caught in a tug-of-war between our heads and our hearts, between logic and emotion. Our heads tell us to move on, to open ourselves up to new experiences and connections. But our hearts, stubborn and defiant, cling to the memories, the shared laughter, the unspoken promises that linger in the air.

It's a battle we fight daily, a constant struggle to reconcile the past with the present, to honor the love that was while also making space for the love that could be.

Tonight, as I get ready for my date, I feel a mix of excitement and trepidation. I'm dressed to kill, my heart pounding like a drum. I'm hopeful for a spark, for a connection that might ignite a new flame within me. But I'm also afraid of betraying my own heart, of disrespecting the love that still holds a sacred place within me.

But tonight, I'm also channeling a different energy. A bit of rebellious spirit, a touch of danger, a hint of the forbidden. As Lisa Ford's sultry voice fills the air, singing "Kiss Me Deadly," I can't help but feel a surge of anticipation.

What’s on the agenda? A 1920s style yacht to witness the city's beauty and elegance, while enjoying some festive live jazz!

Perhaps this date is simply a step in the healing process, a way to remind myself that I'm worthy of love and happiness, even if it's not with the one who currently occupies my thoughts. Perhaps it's a chance to rediscover my own worth, to reclaim my joy, and to open myself up to the possibilities that life has to offer.

Or perhaps it's a chance to surrender to the moment, to let the music guide me, to feel the thrill of a new connection, to taste the forbidden fruit of a stolen kiss. To let someone new whisper in my ear.

"It ain't no big thing," I sing along to the lyrics, "But I know what I like."

Whatever the outcome, I know that I'm taking a necessary step forward. I'm choosing to honor my own needs, to explore new connections, and to keep my heart open to the possibility of love, even when it feels like a betrayal.

Because at the end of the day, moving on doesn't mean forgetting. It doesn't mean erasing the past or denying the love that once was or possibly still is. It simply means creating space for new experiences, new connections, and new possibilities. To forge a path towards healing and rediscover the strength to love again.

And as the night unfolds, as the music pulses and the lights dim low, I'll let go of the past and embrace the present. I'll allow myself to be swept away by the moment, to feel the rush of adrenaline, to taste the sweetness of a new beginning.

And who knows, maybe tonight, the seductive rhythm of "Kiss Me Deadly," will guide me to a spark that sets my soul ablaze, a kiss that awakens a dormant part of me, a connection reminding me that love, in all its forms, is worth fighting for.

The journey of moving on is rarely a smooth one.

It's a tumultuous path paved with heartache, confusion, and the lingering echoes of what once was. The temptation to retreat, to close ourselves off from the world, to guard our hearts against further pain can be overwhelming.

But as the moon illuminates the night sky, reminding us of the cyclical nature of life and the inevitability of change, we are called to embrace the future with courage and grace.

We are called to remember that love, even in its most tumultuous form, is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It is a force that shapes us, molds us, and ultimately sets us free.

Yes, our hearts may break. They may shatter into a million pieces, leaving us feeling vulnerable and exposed. But with each heartbreak, we also learn, we grow, and we become more attuned to the depths of our own capacity for love.

To those navigating the treacherous waters of moving on, I urge you: don't let the pain of the past harden your heart. Don't let fear rob you of the joy that awaits.

Keep your heart open, even if it trembles. Keep your spirit alive, even if it flickers. Keep moving forward, one step at a time, towards a future that's filled with love, light, and endless possibilities.

Remember, you are not alone. You are loved, cherished, and worthy of a love that sets your soul aflame. Love is your birthright, a fundamental human need that cannot be denied.

So, let the music guide you. Let the moonlight illuminate your path. Let the echoes of the past remind you of your strength and resilience.

Embrace the unknown, dance with the shadows, and emerge from this crucible of change with a renewed sense of purpose and a heart that's both tender and fierce.

For in the tapestry of life, even the darkest threads can create a masterpiece. And as you continue to weave your story, may it be one of love, resilience, and the unwavering pursuit of a heart that's forever free.

So, to those navigating the labyrinth of heartbreak and healing, I extend a hand of solidarity. Remember, you are not alone. Your journey is valid, your pain is real, and your strength is immeasurable. Share your stories, speak your truth, and find solace in the shared human experience. Offer words of encouragement to those still caught in the storm, and let them know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Take a moment to reflect on your own journey. Celebrate the progress you've made, acknowledge the wounds that still need tending, and embrace the resilience that resides within you.

And most importantly, never give up on love.

Even when it feels like a battlefield or a rollercoaster, love, in its purest form, is a force that can heal, transform, and set us free. Keep your heart open, for it is in the spaces between the broken pieces that the light shines through.

Trade in your backstage pass for a front-row seat to the rest of your life. Step into the unknown and remember: sometimes the most exhilarating journeys begin with a single, daring kiss - a kiss that's deadly, delicious, and oh-so full of promise.

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#MovingOn #HeartbreakAndHealing #EmotionalRollercoaster #LoveAndLoss #NewBeginnings #SelfLove #Resilience #InnerStrength #Vulnerability #Authenticity #KissMeDeadly #ForbiddenLove #SecondChances #OpenHeart #EmbraceTheUnknown

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Under the Super Blue Sturgeon Moon: Navigating Emotional Tides and Harvesting Inner Strength

Michele Evans — Mon, 19 Aug 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Embracing the Shadows, Embracing the Light: A Journey of Self-Discovery

The celestial stage is set for a rare and potent spectacle: a Super Blue Sturgeon Moon graces our skies, its luminous presence both awe-inspiring and unsettling. This trifecta of lunar events — a second full moon in a single month, the moon at its closest point to Earth, and coinciding with the traditional Sturgeon Moon — heralds a time of heightened energy, emotional intensity, and profound transformation. A Super Blue Moon is an uncommon occurrence, happening only once every few years, adding an extra layer of significance to this already potent lunar phase.

As this celestial giant casts its silvery beams upon the world, I can't help but feel a deep stirring within my soul, a reflection of the tumultuous tides that have been surging through my own life. The Sturgeon Moon, traditionally associated with abundance and harvest, carries a potent reminder of both the bounty and the challenges that life presents. It's a time to reap what we've sown, to gather the fruits of our labor, and to confront the shadows that linger beneath the surface.

Much like the fishermen of old, casting their nets into the moonlit waters in hopes of catching the elusive sturgeon, I find myself grappling with the complexities of my own emotional landscape. The recent passing of a loved one, the lingering echoes of loves that refuse to fade, the ongoing battles that test my strength and resolve — all these experiences have converged under the watchful gaze of this Super Blue Sturgeon Moon, amplifying their intensity and forcing me to confront the depths of my own being.

I find myself questioning everything, from my past choices to my future dreams. I'm caught in a dance between vulnerability and defiance, between surrender and resistance. The Super Blue Moon's energy is a catalyst, pushing me to the edge of my comfort zone, urging me to shed the layers of protection I've built around my heart and to embrace the raw, unfiltered truth of my emotions.

It's a time of introspection, of delving into the shadowy corners of my soul and unearthing the hidden fears and desires that have long been buried. It's a time to confront the ghosts of my past and to make peace with the choices that have shaped my present.

Tonight, as the sun dips below the horizon, I'll partake in rituals both ancient and empowering. I'll light a white candle, its pure flame symbolizing clarity and new beginnings. With fragrant herbs, I'll smudge my space, cleansing away stagnant energy and inviting in peace and tranquility. And under the luminous gaze of the Super Blue Moon, I'll place a jar of water, whispering my intentions into its depths. I'll release the burdens I carry, the heartaches that linger, and the fears that hold me back. On parchment paper, with deliberate strokes, I'll inscribe my manifestations, harnessing the unmatched power of this celestial alignment to draw my dreams into reality.

Later, under the moon's soft glow, I'll drink this moon water, allowing its energy to infuse my being, to cleanse and renew my spirit. It's a symbolic act of surrender and acceptance, a gesture of trust in the universe's grand design.

Adding another layer to this cosmic symphony, today also marks the midpoint of Mercury's retrograde journey. This celestial phenomenon is often associated with miscommunication, delays, and a general sense of things going haywire. It's a time when our thoughts and emotions can feel muddled, and our plans might need revisiting and refining.

Perhaps this Mercury retrograde is contributing to the emotional turbulence I've been experiencing, amplifying the confusion and uncertainty that already swirl within me. It's a reminder that even as I strive for clarity and resolution, the universe has its own rhythm and timing.

But amidst the chaos and uncertainty, there's also a glimmer of hope, a sense of possibility that shimmers on the horizon. The Super Blue Moon, with its ethereal glow, reminds me that even in the darkest of nights, there's always the promise of a new dawn.

It's a time for rebirth, for shedding the old and embracing the new. It's a time to trust in the universe's grand design, to surrender to the flow of life, and to have faith that even the most painful experiences can lead to profound transformation.

As I gaze up at the Super Blue Sturgeon Moon, I feel a sense of resolve settling within me. I may not have all the answers, and the path ahead may be shrouded in mist, but I'm ready to face whatever comes my way with courage and grace.

I'm ready to embrace the unknown, to dance with the shadows, and to emerge from this crucible of change with a renewed sense of purpose and a heart that's both tender and fierce.

For under the Super Blue Moon, even amidst Mercury's retrograde dance, the sturgeon's promise of abundance, and the harvest moon's call for introspection, anything is possible. The next time we'll witness such a celestial convergence won't be until 2037, making this moment all the more precious and potent.

Don't Let This Cosmic Gift Pass You By

This Super Blue Sturgeon Moon, intertwined with Mercury's retrograde dance, offers a rare and potent opportunity for transformation and healing. The universe is conspiring to grant us a grand favor, inviting us to shed the old, embrace the new, and step into our fullest potential.

Don't let this celestial gift pass you by. Seize this moment to reflect, release, and renew. Light your candles, gather your herbs, and set your intentions under the luminous moon. Allow its energy to wash over you, cleansing your spirit and illuminating your path.

Write down your manifestations with unwavering belief, for the universe is listening. Let go of what no longer serves you, and open your heart to the abundance that awaits.

Remember, this is a time of heightened energy and emotional intensity. Embrace the waves of change, navigate the currents of Mercury's retrograde with patience and grace, and trust in the divine timing of the universe.

As you drink the moon water, infused with lunar energy and your own heartfelt intentions, feel the shift within you. Feel the burdens lifting, the wounds healing, and the seeds of your dreams taking root.

This is your moment to shine, to reclaim your power, and to create a life that's authentically yours. Don't let fear or doubt hold you back. Step into the light of the Super Blue Sturgeon Moon and embrace the transformative power of this extraordinary celestial event.

The universe is offering you a grand favor. Will you accept it?

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#SuperBlueMoon #UniverseFavors #LunarRitual #ReleaseAndRenewal #MercuryRetrograde #SturgeonMoon #HarvestMoon #Abundance #Transformation #CandleMagic #SmudgingRitual #Manifestation

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The Silent Ache: Mental Exhaustion of a Rollercoaster Ride!

Michele Evans — Sun, 18 Aug 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Love is a battlefield, they say. But sometimes, it feels more like a rollercoaster!

A relentless ride of soaring highs and plunging lows leaves you breathless, disoriented, and utterly exhausted. A gator grip of emotional turbulence, a silent war waged within the confines of our minds.

The constant push and pull, the mixed signals, the unspoken words hanging heavy in the air – it's enough to drain even the most resilient spirit. The sleepless nights spent analyzing messages, social media posts, every fleeting glance, searching for clues, for answers, for some semblance of clarity.

It's a battle fought in the shadows, a silent struggle that leaves no visible scars but carves deep canyons into your soul. The constant questioning, the self-doubt, the gnawing fear that you're losing your association with reality.

There are days when the weight of it all feels unbearable. The constant push and pull of emotions, the uncertainty, the lingering questions - it all takes a toll. My heart feels heavy, my mind foggy, and my spirit weary.

Navigating complex and emotionally draining situations with someone we care deeply about is tough. It's like walking on a tightrope, constantly trying to maintain balance while the ground shifts beneath our feet.

We try to be strong, to hold onto hope, to see the good even when actions seem inexplicable. But the truth is, it's exhausting.

It's exhausting to feel the pull of love and longing, even when we know we need to create distance to protect ourselves. It's exhausting to grieve the loss of a connection that once felt so vibrant and promising, to mourn the dreams and hopes that now seem shattered.

The mental exhaustion creeps in slowly, like a fog descending upon a once vibrant landscape. It dulls your senses, steals your joy, and leaves you feeling hollow and disconnected. The simplest tasks become Herculean efforts, and the world around you seems to fade into a muted blur.

It's in those moments, when the weight of it all becomes too heavy to bear, that I find solace in my art. The rhythmic strokes of my brush on canvas, the cool clay taking shape beneath my fingers – they offer a temporary respite from the chaos within.

Yet, even as I create, the thoughts linger, the questions persist. Is it worth it? The constant heartache, the sleepless nights, the emotional rollercoaster that leaves me feeling battered and bruised.

And then I remember smiles, eyes lighting up, talking about dreams. I remember the stolen moments of connection, the shared laughter, the unspoken understanding that transcends words.

And I realize love, even in its most tumultuous form, is a force to be reckoned with. It has the power to break us, to heal us, to transform us in ways we never imagined.

Amidst the exhaustion, there's also a flicker of resilience. A deep-seated knowing that I'm strong enough to navigate this storm, to emerge on the other side with a renewed sense of self and a clearer understanding of what I deserve.

I'm learning to prioritize my own well-being, to set boundaries, and to say no to anything that doesn't serve my highest good. I'm learning to embrace the quiet moments, to find solace in my creativity, and to nurture my soul with self-care and compassion.

It's a slow and sometimes painful process, but I'm committed to healing and growth. I'm committed to creating a life that's filled with joy, authenticity, and healthy connections.

I know that I'm not alone in this struggle. Many people have navigated the treacherous waters of emotional turmoil, emerging stronger and wiser on the other side. Their stories inspire me, reminding me that there's always hope, even in the darkest of times.

So, to anyone out there feeling the weight of emotional exhaustion, know that you're not alone. It's okay to feel tired, to feel overwhelmed, to feel like you're barely keeping your head above water. But don't give up. Keep fighting for your own happiness, keep setting boundaries, and keep seeking support from those who love and uplift you.

Remember, you're stronger than you think. You have the power to create a life that's filled with love, joy, and authentic connections. And even amidst the exhaustion, there's always the possibility of healing, growth, and a brighter tomorrow.

So, I carry on, navigating this emotional labyrinth with a weary heart and a determined spirit. I seek solace in my art, in the love and support of my friends, and in the quiet moments of introspection that offer glimpses of clarity amidst the chaos.

Traversing through this storm, I hold onto the hope that someday, the rollercoaster will come to a gentle stop, and I'll find myself standing on solid ground, stronger and wiser for the journey.

As I conclude this reflection, a loved one sends a video that perfectly illustrates why I have reached my mental exhaustion. I share it here as a testament to the communal human experience of mental fatigue. How can I possibly digest such a request at this time? I must retreat and recharge for now, as my reserves are depleted. and I have no more energy to give.

Life's odyssey is rarely a straight path. It's filled with twists and turns, unexpected detours, and moments of profound heartbreak. But even in the face of adversity, there's always the opportunity for growth and transformation. May we all find the strength to embrace the lessons learned, to forgive the past, and to create a future that's filled with love, light, and unwavering hope.

Love you to the moon and back but damn!

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#MentalExhaustion #EmotionalRollercoaster #SilentAche #HealingJourney #SelfCare #EmotionalTurmoil #LoveAndLoss #Resilience #InnerStrength #FindingPeace #MentalHealthMatters #EmotionalWellbeing #HeartbreakAndHealing #SettingBoundaries #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth #CopingMechanisms #InnerPeace #StrengthInVulnerability #YouAreNotAlone #WiltedFlowers #FadedBeauty #SymbolicArt #EmotionalArt #VisualMetaphor

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Rikers: A Haunting Echo, A Fight for Survival

Michele Evans — Tue, 23 Jul 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Never Surrender

The chilling image you see above is not just art; it's the embodiment of despair, loss, and the relentless fight for survival within Rikers Island's unforgiving walls.

The dove, a symbol of peace and freedom, flies. This stark juxtaposition alongside a skull captures the harrowing reality faced by countless souls trapped within this notorious institution.

My book, "Rikers Island," is a raw and unflinching account of experiences within that hellish place.

It's dedicated to Layleen Polanco, a vibrant life tragically extinguished in solitary confinement while I was there.

Since my release, a staggering 48 lives have been lost within Rikers' unforgiving grasp (2021 - present), each a tragic echo of Layleen's fate.

The news of yet another death, the irreplaceable Charizma Jones, again due to the negligence of correctional staff, is a chilling echo of Layleen's fate.

A grim reminder that Rikers remains a place where human rights are violated, where suffering is ignored, and where lives are lost needlessly.

You might have seen me proudly proclaim, "Don't ever forget I am from #NewYorkCity and #Rikers."

Those words are not just a badge of honor; they are a scar, a testament to the trauma endured within those walls, a triumphant cry, a testament to the resilience forged in fire. They carry the weight of unimaginable suffering, the echoes of countless voices silenced by indifference and neglect.

Behind those hashtags lies a story of dehumanization, death, and the fight for survival. It's a story of people stripped of their dignity, their humanity reduced to a number, and their pain dismissed as collateral damage in a broken system.

Rikers is not just a jail; it's a battleground for survival. It's a place where every day is a fight for basic human honor, for safety, for sanity. The constant threat of violence, the inhumane conditions, the isolation from loved ones - it all takes a toll on the mind, body, and spirit.

The Statue of Liberty, a beacon of hope and freedom, usually stands tall as a symbol of America's promise of a better life. Yet, she kneels, her resolve dimmed, a silent mourner for the lost souls of Rikers Island.

Rikers is a living nightmare, a stain on our collective conscience. It's a place where hope withers, where dreams are shattered, and where the cries for help are met with deafening silence.

Lady Liberty's grief speaks volumes about the brokenness of our justice system. The very icon of freedom, bent in sorrow, highlights the stark contrast between our ideals and the harsh realities faced by those incarcerated within the walls of Rikers.

Her bowed head symbolizes the countless lives extinguished within the jail's unforgiving grasp. The dove, a universal emblem of peace and hope, struggles to maintain flight above the desolate cell, a poignant reminder of the lost potential and dreams that have been crushed within those walls.

A chilling reminder of mortality lurks beneath the surface, a stark symbol of the violence, neglect, and despair that have become synonymous with Rikers Island. It's a haunting reminder that the system designed to rehabilitate and protect has instead become a breeding ground for trauma and death.

Rikers stands as a powerful indictment of the systemic injustices that plague our society. A call to action, a plea for reform, and a demand for accountability. It's a reminder that behind the statistics and headlines, there are real people with real stories of suffering and loss.

As we mourn the lives lost at Rikers, let us not turn away from the pain and suffering of those who remain trapped within its walls. Let us remember that the fight for justice and human rights is far from over. Let us honor the memory of Layleen Polanco, Charizma Jones, and countless others by demanding change and creating a future where every life is valued, every voice is heard, and every soul is treated with dignity and respect.

My sculpture for the Rikers Public Memory Project will be dedicated to Riker's latest victim, Charizma, a memorial to her, a symbol of the countless lives lost, the lives interrupted and the urgent need for closing Rikers. It will be a testament to their resilience, their strength, and their fight for survival.

But it will also be a call to action. It will demand accountability, transparency, and a radical transformation of a system that perpetuates violence and dehumanization.

In the words of Maya Angelou, "History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again." Let us face the harsh truths of Rikers Island with courage and determination, so that we may create a future where Lady Liberty can once again stand tall, her torch ablaze, a beacon of hope and freedom for all.

I invite you to join me in this fight and Lady Liberty's lament, her tribute to lost souls.

Read my story, educate yourself about the horrors of Rikers Island, and demand change. Together, we can raise our voices and create a future where no one is forgotten, no one is left to suffer alone, and every life is valued and protected.

https://www.nydailynews.com/2024/07/23/nyc-correction-staff-blocked-medical-staff-from-treating-rikers-island-prisoner-who-later-died/

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#RikersIsland #JusticeForLayleen #JusticeForCharizma #EndSolitaryConfinement #CloseRikers #HumanRights #NewYorkCity

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Embracing the Release: A Capricorn Full Moon Ritual for Letting Go

Michele Evans — Sun, 21 Jul 2024 00:00:00 +0000

The Art of the Capricorn Full Moon

Today, the Capricorn Full Moon, a celestial spectacle, graces our skies and finds us in a moment of profound significance for emotional release, self-reflection, and setting intentions for the future. In astrology, the full moon is associated with culmination, illumination, and the surfacing of hidden emotions. In the grounded and practical sign of Capricorn, this lunar energy takes on a unique flavor, emphasizing themes of responsibility, discipline, and long-term goals.

Astrologers believe that the Capricorn Full Moon can bring up emotions related to our past, particularly unresolved issues and past traumas. It can also trigger a heightened sense of responsibility and a desire to take control of our lives. This is a time to reflect on our past choices, acknowledge our mistakes, and make amends where necessary.

The Capricorn Full Moon also encourages us to set clear boundaries and release anything that no longer serves our highest good. This could be toxic relationships, unhealthy habits, or limiting beliefs that are holding us back from reaching our full potential. It's a time to shed old skin and embrace a new chapter in our lives.

Here are some things you can do during this powerful lunar phase:

Reflect on Your Past: Take some time to journal or meditate on your past experiences, both positive and negative. What lessons have you learned? What patterns are you ready to release? What are you grateful for?
Set Clear Intentions: Write down your goals and aspirations for the future. This could be related to your career, relationships, personal growth, or any other area of your life that you want to improve.
Release Negativity: Let go of any resentment, anger, or hurt you've been holding onto. Forgive yourself and others for past mistakes, and focus on creating a positive and fulfilling future.
Embrace Your Power: The Capricorn Full Moon is a time to tap into your inner strength and resilience. Take charge of your life, set healthy boundaries, and don't be afraid to speak your truth.
Connect with Nature: Spend time outdoors, grounding yourself in the energy of the earth. This can help you feel more connected to your own body and emotions.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This could include exercise, meditation, yoga, or simply taking time to relax and recharge.
Celebrate Your Achievements: Acknowledge the progress you've made and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they might seem. This is a time to honor your own strength and resilience.

Remember, the Capricorn Full Moon is a powerful time for transformation and renewal. By embracing this energy and focusing on self-reflection, release, and setting intentions, you can create a path toward a brighter and more fulfilling future.

This lunar cycle has been a tumultuous one, filled with emotional upheaval and unexpected twists and turns. The silence, the echoes of past hurts, and the weight of unspoken truths have cast a shadow over my heart. But this full moon offers a chance for liberation, a cosmic invitation to let go of the pain and embrace the possibility of healing.

Gazing up at the luminous moon, I always feel a deep sense of surrender. It's time to release the grip of fear, doubt, and insecurity. It's time to let go of the expectations and the could-have-beens, the regrets and the resentments.

I visualize a cord of attachment, connecting me to the past, to the pain. With each deep breath, I imagine this cord dissolving, its energy dissipating into the night sky.

The full moon's energy is a powerful catalyst for change. It illuminates the shadows within us, revealing the truths we've been hiding from ourselves. It's a time to confront our fears, acknowledge our pain, and embrace the vulnerability that comes with letting go.

As I release the weight of the past, I feel a surge of energy and a renewed sense of purpose. I'm no longer bound by the chains of yesterday's sorrows, but free to create a future that aligns with my true desires and values.

This full moon ritual is not just about saying goodbye; it's about embracing new beginnings. It's about opening our hearts to the possibility of love, joy, and abundance. It's about trusting the universe to guide us toward our highest good, even when the path ahead seems uncertain.

So, under this Capricorn Full Moon, let's raise a glass to the art of letting go. Let's embrace the release, the renewal, and the infinite possibilities that await us on the other side.

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#CapricornFullMoon #LettingGo #ReleaseRitual #NewBeginnings #Healing #Transformation #SelfLove

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Finding My Voice Through Art: A Journey of Healing from Trauma

Michele Evans — Thu, 18 Jul 2024 00:00:00 +0000

There's a saying that goes, "Art is pain made beautiful." For me, it's pain made purposeful.

Trauma leaves scars – some visible, some hidden deep within. My own journey through the fire of domestic violence and the harrowing experience of incarceration at Rikers Island has been one of survival, resilience, and ultimately, an unexpected creative awakening.

The path of healing from domestic violence and the trauma of incarceration is a winding one, fraught with setbacks and emotional triggers. While therapy and support groups have been invaluable, it's been the process of channeling my experiences into art that has truly given me a voice.

I'm a survivor of DV and a former inmate of Rikers Island. To say that sharing my story is difficult is an understatement. Even now, with years of distance, my emotions are raw and the memories vivid. My legal case was sealed to protect me, which makes speaking openly about my experiences even more complex. But in recent years, I've begun to break the silence through my creative work.

My visual art has become another outlet for my pain and healing.

Painting the Pain

My early paintings were portraits. One, a seemingly normal depiction of my husband, masks the darkness that lurked beneath his charming exterior. Another, titled "Two Face," is a self-portrait. At first glance, it looks ordinary, but a closer look reveals a chilling detail – one side of my face and neck are subtly covered in bruises. The duality of the image speaks volumes about the hidden nature of abuse.

As a child, I loved those hidden picture search printouts in magazines. I'd spend hours combing for the lurking images, my eyes scanning for subtle details.

"Doppelganger," my portrait of my husband, mirrors the duality of "Two Face." It's a visual puzzle, a seemingly ordinary depiction that conceals a chilling secret. The truth lurks beneath the surface, waiting for the viewer's discerning eye.

Someday I may reveal it, but for now, it remains only speculation. I worked on this painting trapped a few inches from him, his presence a constant reminder of the darkness I was trying to capture. He was none the wiser as to what I was documenting.

My portrait of my husband, much like my life at the time, is a paradox – a visible facade masking a hidden truth. It speaks to the reality that many survivors face: the inability to openly express their pain or reach out for help.

It breaks my heart that New York's Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act requires women to prove their abuse, when so many are unable to do so. I was fortunate to have a mountain of evidence, but countless women suffer in silence, their cries for help unheard.

These paintings, with their veiled messages, serve as a testament to their silent struggle. It is a visual representation of the insidious nature of abuse, a reminder that the most harrowing wounds are often the ones we can't see.

Creating these portraits was a way for me to reclaim my narrative, to expose the truth that was often overlooked. It was a cathartic process that allowed me to confront the trauma head-on and begin to heal.

These portraits are a testament to the mask I once wore, a survival mechanism that hid the brutal reality beneath.

Filming a Walk to Heal

One of the most difficult pieces I've created is a short film called "A Walk to the Park", It was a labor of love, and is a raw and unflinching portrayal of my life during those dark times. It's been a terrifying, yet cathartic, project to tackle. The camera lens became my confidante, allowing me to share the unspeakable in a way that words alone could never capture.

Creating "A Walk to the Park" was an intense experience. It forced me to relive some of the most traumatic moments of my life. But it was also an empowering act of reclaiming my story and using it to shed light on the often-hidden realities of domestic violence.

Sculpting for Survival

My latest endeavor is a sculpture, "Whispers Unfinished", for the Rikers Memory Project. This project aims to preserve the stories of those who have been incarcerated at Rikers and their loved ones. It will create a space for reflection and remembrance.

The sculpture, in progress, represents the strength and resilience of survivors. It's a testament to the fact that even in the darkest of places, the human spirit can find a way to not just survive, but thrive.

This project feels like a culmination of my artistic and healing journey, allowing me to transform my pain into something that can benefit others.

Finding Hope in Expression

The act of creating art, whether it's a film, a painting, or a sculpture, allows me to take back control. It transforms my trauma into something tangible, something I can confront and ultimately overcome. Each brushstroke, each sculpted curve, is a step toward healing and reclaiming my life.

Sharing my story and my art is a vulnerable act. It forces me to relive painful memories and expose parts of myself that I'd rather keep hidden. But I believe that by sharing our stories, we can create connections with others who have experienced similar trauma. We can break the silence and stigma that surround domestic violence and incarceration.

My art is more than just a way to express myself. It's a tool for healing, a means of survival, and a testament to the power of the human spirit to overcome adversity.

I encourage all survivors to find your own creative outlet. Your voice matters, and your art can be a powerful tool for healing. If my story can inspire even one person to break the silence, then I know my journey has been worth it.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please seek help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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#ArtTherapy #HealingThroughArt #DomesticViolenceSurvivor #IncarcerationSurvivor #RikersMemoryProject #TraumaSurvivor #Resilience #WomensArt #CreativityHeals #SpeakYourTruth #EndDomesticViolence #ShortFilm #AWalkToThePark #Painting #TwoFace #Doppelganger #Sculpture #WhispersUnfinished #MentalHealth #HiddenMessagesInArt #ArtAsWitness

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Michele Evans to Transform Pain Into Power Through Sculpture in Rikers Narrative Change Fellowship

Michele Evans — Wed, 17 Jul 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Rikers Public Memory Project Launches Inaugural Fellowship to Amplify Directly-Impacted Voices

Four fellows will embark on creative projects that shed light on the often-unheard stories and perspectives surrounding Rikers Island.

The Rikers Narrative Change Community Fellowship is more than just funding; it's about providing a platform for these artists to share their truths, challenge dominant narratives, and ignite meaningful conversations. Each project will include a public engagement component designed to educate, advocate, and foster healing within our communities.

The fellows and their project media are:

💙 Anisah Sabur-Mumin (film): Anisah's film project will delve into the personal experiences of individuals and families impacted by Rikers, bringing their stories to life on screen.

💙 Ofia Begum Ali (photography): Ofia's photography project will capture the resilience, strength, and humanity of those who have endured the harsh realities of Rikers and its aftermath.

💙 Helen "Skip" Skipper (theater): Skip's theater project will use the power of performance to create a space for dialogue, healing, and social change around the issues of incarceration and justice.

💙 Michele Evans (sculpture): Michele's sculpture project will transform raw emotions and experiences into tangible works of art, offering a unique and visceral perspective on the impact of Rikers.

A few thoughts about being selected as a Rikers Narrative Change Fellow:

I am deeply honored and humbled to be selected as a fellow for the inaugural Rikers Narrative Change Community Fellowship. As a formerly incarcerated individual, my experience at Rikers Island has left an indelible mark on my life. Through this fellowship, I am determined to channel the pain and trauma I endured into a powerful force for healing and transformation.

My sculpture project, "Whispers Unfinished", will serve as a visual representation of the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity. By molding raw materials into meaningful forms, I aim to capture the essence of the emotions experienced by those who have been impacted by Rikers – the anger, the fear, the despair, but also the hope, the strength, and the unwavering determination to overcome.

This project is not just about creating art; it's about giving a voice to the voiceless, honoring the stories of those who have been silenced, and fostering a dialogue that can lead to real change. I believe that art has the power to transcend barriers, to touch hearts, and to inspire action.

Through my sculpture, I hope to create a space for reflection, understanding, and ultimately, healing. I envision a future where Rikers Island is no longer a symbol of pain and suffering, but a testament to the power of human resilience and the potential for positive change.

I am grateful for the opportunity to share my story and my art with the world. I am committed to using my platform to advocate for those who have been impacted by the criminal legal system and to inspire others to find their own voices and create their own paths to healing.

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#RikersNarrativeChange #ArtforJustice #HealingThroughArt #RikersIsland #Trauma #Recovery

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Woman's Heart: Deep Ocean of Secrets!

Michele Evans — Wed, 12 Jun 2024 00:00:00 +0000

A song is worth a thousand words!

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The story of ‘Woman’s Heart: Deep Ocean of Secrets’ spans 30+ years. It follows a rag-tag group of characters involved in the making of what is hailed as one of the greatest Metal Concept Albums of all times, The Crimson Idol.

The setting is early 1990’s in Los Angeles California—the city of dreams. Reading through the credits of The Crimson Idol, one would never know it tells the story behind the story. Nestled amongst the Thank You’s, this author’s name is forever etched and immortalized within the adventure. While certain people are the face of the project, undertaking such a grand endeavor is a collaborative effort. These are their stories.

The author wishes to compose her own thank-you list:

Mikey Davis - Always remember us this way!
Stet Howland - I am proud as hell of you and all your accomplishments! If only the world had more men like you!! You are larger than life! You are Superman! You are a hero!
Blackie Lawless - Thank you for the exception and for providing the backdrop to a lifelong love story!
Russ Wallace - Thank you for rescuing me!
Ross Robinson - Now known as the godfather of nu-metal? Congrats!
Janelle the Bestie - My L Twin!
George Tobin - You changed the course of my life!
Jimi Jamison - R.I.P.